Closing Time has not been able to sustain my interest. I am re-reading Joe Queenan’s exploration of American low-brow culture, Red Lobster, White Trash and the Blue Lagoon.

Weekend TV reminds me why I read and rent videos. I should have done more of the former and some of the latter, because I spent time in front of the TV this weekend, but wasn’t exactly entertained thoroughly. Last night’s episode of Crossing Jordan — a show I find loathsome except for Jennifer Finnigin — was a perfect example.

We had it on while we were cleaning up and ironing and I got sucked it to how terrible the plot was. There was a big blackout in Boston (or wherever the show is located). Jordan and Bug are in a tunnel under the harbor (?) when the lights go out and there’s a terrible wreck ahead of them that totally blocks the tunnel. In my mind, the thing to do is to check the cars for injured people and start walking out of the tunnel. Instead all these jerks just mill around and Jordan and Bug get interested in solving the crime of the wreck that has blocked traffic. They do help pry a woman out of her car and get her on a gurney they had in their van, but there was no conversation along these lines: “Well, let’s roll her out of here.” They just sit there like idiots waiting for an ambulance. But, guess what, they have terrible cell phone reception. So why doesn’t anybody walk out of the tunnel and call for help? Beats me.

Naturally, the guys who caused the accident are crooks who just stole some jewels. One turns on another and forces Jordan and Bug to cut open his dead friends to retrieve the jewels they’ve swallowed. In the process, the young woman whom they rescued from her wrecked car is in danger of dying and she lies on a gurney in a tunnel filled with car exhaust. All of this could have been avoided had they just wheeled her out. Would the crooks have gotten away with some jewels? Possibly. Who cares?

I don’t think normal people would act the way the characters on the show did. In fact, on the show, the normal people did start walking out of the tunnel. Just not the “intelligent” people who are the focus of the show. All this goes to show you that if you’re ever in a wreck with a TV writer during a blackout in a tunnel, don’t listen to their advice. Just start walking.