Well, ace, shut your face.

I am an idiot. I mean, I know I could say that lots of ways, but really, I’m an idiot. For the past few years I’ve had a storage space. I knew it was full of crap that I didn’t want or need but couldn’t part with, but I figured most of it was essential. I went out there today to clean everything out so I could shut down the space and stop paying rent. I figured it would take a while, but I should probably be able to get everything in my car. Provided, of course, that I threw plenty away.

So I get down there and start cracking into boxes. I mean, I have a library of magazines. I’ve saved some magazines since high school. From my trip last week, I knew I was just going to have to bite the bullet and start chucking magazines. I brought several garbage bags. And before I was through one box of mags, the first garbage bag was splitting. It was also impossible to move. So I tried to shift some of the throw-away mags into a new bag. Soon it was splitting. Then falling. Then I was standing ankle deep in magazines.

So I started putting the keepers in new file boxes and the trash in old boxes. When I got the keepers moved out, there were ten–TEN–trash boxes. Ten file boxes packed top to bottom with magazines that I’m throwing away. AND since I filled them so full, I couldn’t move them to my car to trash them. So I’ve got to make another trip out there with a truck and a dolly to get all these mother effing magazines that I’ve been saving for ages to the trash.

I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.

However, I found and kept some gems. I have a Guitar magazine with Izzy and Slash on the cover from ’87 or ’88. It has the “Welcome to the Jungle” transcription inside. That rules. And I found a box of old NME’s, Melody Makers and Selects that Brassneck would cream his jeans over.

And also there were several magazines featuring the Spice Girls.

I’ll allow you to guess which pile they went in.