I’d rather die than be deprived of Wonderbras and thunderthighs…

I’ve looked at this a number of ways and I haven’t really come to any decent conclusions, so I’m just going to run this by you. When you’re at a little cookout get-together and you’ve had a giant glass and a half of wine and you’re acting a little sillier than usual and then, while leaning back in your chair, the chair slips and you end up on the deck, what do you do?

For starters, there is now no way you will be able to convince anyone that you are remotely sober, even when it was legitimately the chair’s goddam fault. (Not to mention the slippery deck.) I suppose you could start laughing. I mean, it is pretty funny. You could roll out of the chair and dust yourself off. You could sort of awkwardly reach for help since you’re kind of trapped in the chair now.

But you’re not going to be able to make an hilarious off-the-cuff crack about it. Because there’s something about the sudden shift from vertical to horizontal that will catch you the hell off guard.

So here’s what I’ve found–and mind you, I’m not admitting to anything. One of those slow falls back in a decently soft chair with a half bottle of wine in you is actually pretty damn fun. So while other party-goers may think you’re trashed in an admittedly gauche way, you’re like “let’s go again.” Even though you’ll never recapture that initial surprise that you felt as you leaned back and just kept going.

So don’t say anything. Because you already look like an idiot.