These things happened yesterday:

* At the laundromat, I was about to put my clothes into a washer when I noticed there was some hair inside. I looked closer and there was hair sticking out of every little hole in the tub thing. So I put my clothes in another washer. Then I sat down to read and noticed great, billowing tumbleweeds of hair everywhere. When I glanced at the washer with the hair (my perspective having changed since I was seated), I saw what looked like a toupee pasted inside. This wasn’t a little bit of hair. There was hair everywhere. I assumed one of the other customers had actually washed a load of hair. There was no other explanation. I inspected the dryers I used very carefully.

* On the way down Elliston Place around 10.30pm, I was startled by a douchebag on one of these pulling out right in front of my car. I watched him incredulously cross in front of me and then suddenly a whole herd of douchebags on bikes (tall and small) appeared in front of me. I had to slam on the brakes. Finally after regaining my senses and wondering if there was a clown convention at Loews Vanderbilt, I realized that the bikers had no choice but to risk the crash with me since they obviously couldn’t stop without tipping over. Idiots.

* While talking to a friend in front of The End, a young lady behind my friend flashed me. Unintentionally. She was really just flashing her friend and I was in the line of fire. And I did that thing that people do where they try to act like they’re still in the conversation. But it was pretty hopeless. I had to confess what had happened.

* As I was unloading my last bit of laundry at the ‘mat, I turned and saw an old couple who had just put their entire load of clothes into the hairy washer. I was tortured on the way to my car as to whether I should go over and tell them what they’d done. But things seemed too late. They were about to drop in their quarters.

Luckily, when I turned back around, they’d discovered the hair and moved to another washer.