Speaking of sucky bands…

“Rockstar Supernova” has actually surpassed “Jessica Simpson boobs” as the #1 search that leads people to my site.

In Rockstar: Supernova news, the show is virtually unwatchable. At least, it’s so bad that it has become un-make-fun-able. Over the past two nights I only caught brief glimpses of the show, but I did see a pretty priceless moment last night that nicely summarizes the show’s ridiculousness.

Tuesday night, Zayra gave this performance of The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me.” It was pretty bad by all good-singing standards but because of the black bodysuit, I was sure she was safe. So last night I tuned in just in time to see her get dumped into the “Bottom 3.” I was shocked to discover that Gilby Clarke actually has singing standards. They played a clip of what happened after her performance (which I’d missed the night before). You can actually see that clip here.

In it, Gilby asks, “Do you even know what we’re looking for in a singer?” Which is probably the dumbest question he could possibly ask. Who could know? Do they even know? If the band knew what they were looking for in a singer would they really have held auditions in malls? Zayra answers, “You haven’t told me.” Touche.

Then Gilby asks if she knows the band members’ music which is another trick question because only Gilby’s family bought The Spaghetti Incident (the only Guns ‘n’ Roses record that he appears on) and that was all cover songs. So what music of his own is he talking about? The G’n’R songs that he covered as a replacement member of that band or the cover songs he played on record with them? Or maybe he means the music he was making as a salesman at Guitar Center for the past ten years. Because nobody is a Gilby Clarke fan.

So Zayra answers, “I was in diapers when that was out.”

Ouch. Gilby, you just got burned twice.

Which is why, I guess, that it’s not so fun to watch — when the contestants themselves are making fun of the “stars,” what are we supposed to do? I mean it’s pretty self-evident that a band comprised of Tommy Lee, Jason Newstead and Gilby Clarke is funny. The jokes are already written. Why tune in?

There is, of course, the off chance that CBS is in on this joke — that the band sucks — and we’re actually being treated to an hilarious deconstruction of the rock star qua rock star. That seems a little “meta” from network tv. I’m more apt to believe that this take-down of rock stardom (and those who aspire to it) is as accidental as all “celebreality” shows in which celebrities have convinced themselves that any television exposure is good and are unaware that they all look like Anna Nicole Smith in the end — oblivious that we’re laughing at them, not with them.