Do you know what Lady Jesus had for lunch?

I do. Two orders of turnip greens and an order of green beans. And a piece of Lisa’s fish.

I know because after she returned from lunch she spent the next half hour calling people and telling them. You know how she loves turnip greens. Well, you probably don’t. And neither did I. But after she said to half a dozen people — “You know how I love turnip greens” — I gathered that she loves turnip greens and pretty much everybody knows.

You know what I had for lunch? A turkey sandwich, Wavy Lays (the poor man’s Ruffles), chocolate chip cookies and a Dr. Pepper. I know, huh? A Dr. Pepper. It’s like just drinking straight soda syrup. 23 flavors my ass. There’s one flavor and 22 after-tastes. But I grabbed the “combo meal” from the Kroger deli and that’s the drink that was in the box.

I like getting combo meals from Kroger. It’s sort of like having your mom make lunch for you. Like it’ll be a sandwich you like but a weird drink or chips. And you might be disappointed but there’s something kind of liberating about having someone else make those decisions for you. For a second you think, “Cooler Ranch Doritos?” But then you go, “Ooh, cookies.” And everything’s all right.

One time I had Fritos in my combo. Crazy.