I procrastinate nothing as fiercely as I procrastinate meditating — Jan 2
I gotta start doing the blogging and meditating before 10pm but every cell in my body pushes back against staring at a wall when staring at a screen is available. But that’s why I’m staring at a wall, because of all the screens that I look at all day. I need to flush my cache, defrag my drive and balance.
Day 2 — done though. My thoughts went everywhere tonight. Last night I was sort of able to settle them. But I’ve started and stopped meditating enough to know that’s what happens. It’s easy to do one sitting. As I start to do it every day, my mind rebels. But then it’ll settle. I just have to be consistent. I tried one time to sit consistently for 30 days. I made it into the 20s. Maybe even 29. And then I missed a day. It was like I just couldn’t even allow myself to complete that. And once I miss, it’s just over for a while.
The strange thing is when I was meditating what I’d call consistently and sitting with a sangha, it wasn’t an every day thing. It was just “usually.” And that was comfortable. But for the past couple of years, I just haven’t been able to get back into the habit. I haven’t let myself get back into the habit. But I need to realize that consistent doesn’t mean daily and not beat myself up or quit just because I miss a day.
Still, after only 2 days of meditating, I’ve got to focus on meditating at a better time so I don’t miss. In Nashville, when I started meditating, I did it right after work. I think it helped flush the cache immediately and allowed me to have a normal evening.
I’m in Vegas next week. God knows how difficult that will be to tune out and stare at a wall.
The thing is, I didn’t fuck around tonight. I got home, ate dinner and worked on some website clean-up and booking shows. Then I rehearsed for about 40 minutes. And by that time, it was 10pm. I watched some Hulu but it wasn’t like I just plopped on the couch and vegged out for hours.
So tomorrow, meditating after work. Or in the morning. Or something.