40 Days. 40 Episodes. Game of Thrones, S2E6

So between you and me, I lost a little steam on the episode watching. However, I did experience that feeling of wanting to read all the books again. I think I’m going to tell myself to do that after the entire series ends. Then I’ll be able to remember it the way it was supposed to be. Right?

The sea has come to Winterfell. Luwin locks himself in his room, writes a hurried message for a raven, releases it, and is arrested. Then Theon wakes Bran and tells him he’s taken Winterfell. Bran is hilariously nonplussed about the whole situation. “I’ve taken Winterfell.” “Why?” “Tell them you yielded to me.” “I won’t.”

“Did you hate us the whole time?” is his best line.

Then Theon is in the courtyard trying to be a tough guy while the citizens of Winterfell are openly sarcastic about it all. Osha kneels to Theon and pledges her loyalty to him. Then the iron born drag Rodrik into the courtyard so he can smart off to Theon: “It grieves me that you have less honor than a back alley whore.” Rodrik spits on Theon. Theon orders him imprisoned until his first mate explains that Theon has to make Rodrik pay the “iron price.” Luwin urges caution. And Theon…just makes it all worse for himself. I sure hope Bran fucks Theon up from his treehouse in the North.

So this episode starts off pretty gory and intense. Then it moves to the Watch in the frozen north. Jon is off with Qorin and his team. Have I mentioned how boring I think it is to watch people walk somewhere. Sure, the landscape is beautiful but as a storytelling device, a walk is real dull.

At Harrenhal, Tywin is criticizing his men who apparently can’t read when even his lowly cup-bearer can. After dismissing the idiots who delivered information to his enemies, Tywin welcomes Littlefinger in. Littlefinger catches Tywin up on everything he’s learned. They’re plotting to unite the Tyrells to the Lannisters. L-fing gives Arya a sneaky look that suggests he recognizes her.

Back in the cold north, the Watch attacks a gang of Wildlings and Jon falls in love. When he doesn’t successfully kill her, she easily runs away. By the time he catches her, the sun is setting and they’re going to have to snuggle to keep warm.

At King’s Landing, the court is sending Myrcella off to Dorne which will honestly keep her safe. Cersei, nonetheless, is threatening Tyrion. Joffrey threatens Sansa. When he and the Hound depart to walk through the streets, the people there are a little belligerent. Someone throws a horse turd at Joffrey and he’s soon shouting, “Kill them. Kill them all!” Sansa and her handmaidens(!) duck down an alley. The crowd literally rips a man to pieces. Chaos reigns. Joffrey and Cersei are delivered to safety while Sansa is chased by some angry men.

In the keep, Tyrion screams at Joffrey to explain the situation. Tyrion tries to order the King’s Guard to rescue Sansa who is at this point held by five or so men. The King’s Guard refuse. So it’s up to the Hound to show up and save the day. The riot continues outside.

In Qarth, Dany and Xaro are awaiting the guy who looks like the little guy from Princess Bride. Dany has only a tiny request: all his ships. Dany and the little guy argue about why he would give her ships. It’s totally reasonable but Dany is super angry. Do you have an army? No. Do you have allies in Westeros? No. When was the last time you were there? When I was a baby. The dude is definitely asking the right questions. Meanwhile, Dany had a dream about the dragons so he should totally give her the ships cause she is no ordinary woman. I’d like to see her try that for a home loan.

He walks away and she screams about how she’s take what is hers with fire and blood. What a brat.

Arya is reading Tywin’s correspondence when he sneaks up on her. What the hell was the point of all this, in retrospect? She never passed info to the Stark army. And he never discovered her. Tywin tells her how Jaime was dyslexic. Then he questions her about her family. She makes up some cool stories. She asks Tywin about his father. WHICH IS CRAZY. And then he tells her about him. WHICH IS CRAZIER. But we find out that Tywin’s father was a mess and Tywin fixed the Lannisters.

Oh right, this was the point of all that. Arya did steal a letter from Tywin and as she’s running through Harrenhal, she runs into one of his guards who sees the letter and wonders what she’s doing with it. She escapes his grip and finds J’aqen and asks for a quick favor. J’aqen kills the guard just as he opens Tywin’s door.

Robb’s camp. All the dudes are giving Robb manly handshakes. He is looking for Talisa. Who is writing a letter. TO TYWIN PROBABLY, YOU IDIOT. “I’m not a spy,” she tells him. Then he invites her to…something. Cat shows up to cock block him. When Talisa leaves, Cat reminds Robb that he has to pay that debt to the Freys. Just then Roose shows up with news from Winterfell.

In the cold, frozen tundra, Jon decides to stop for the night. He and Ygritte get their snuggle on. This is, let’s face it, stupid. I wear that many layers of clothing in winter in America and I can barely stay warm in a house

The Starks and Roose discuss the problem of Theon. Roose mentions he can send “his bastard” of the Dreadfort.

At Winterfell, Osha seduces Theon in return for her freedom.

At King’s Landing, Shae doctors Sansa’s wound from the riot. “Don’t trust anybody,” Shae advises Sansa, “it’s safer that way.”

Osha wakes in Theon’s bed and begins stealthily killing the guards as she rescues Bran and Rickon AND THEIR WOLVES, YEAH.

Dany runs through the list of people who won’t support her in Qarth. Xaro sounds sympathetic but basically he says, nobody helped me so I did some slimy stuff. Just as he says that, he opens the door to his home and shows her all her dead guards and bloodriders. She runs to the dragons to find them missing. Cut to: a person carrying them to the House of the Undying. I guess. I mean, that’s where they end up.